Well …. week 22a is almost in the books. What a week it has been. Since it was an off week with no webinar, we were instructed to be self directed in preparation for our upcoming commencement and life after the MKMMA course. I was happy to repeat a daily reading of Haanal’s part 22 to continue to keep my mind right about my upcoming surgery next week. Today, however, I was able to put our studies, along with Og Mandino’s scroll IV into action.
It’s performance appraisal time at work and today I received my appraisal from my boss. I expected to receive a great review and some great, reinforcing and uplifting comments to go along with that great rating. I received a copy of the review this morning along with a few top level thoughts from him. As I expected, the rating was good and what I expected. My boss told me to go read through the review and we could talk about it later in the day. As I sat down at my desk and began to read the comments, they weren’t as uplifting and reinforcing as I expected. In fact, as I read through them I could feel the blood rush to my face and my frustration, anger and defensive posture begin to percolate. My mind rushed to begin to put together my defending arguments and I began to play scenario’s of our upcoming discussion through my head. I read and re-read the words boiling my blood even more. As I sat in disbelief my mind wandered to Og’s Scroll IV……”Today I will be master of my emotions……Weak is he who permits his thoughts to control his actions; strong is he who forces his actions to control his thoughts….I will master my moods through positive action and when I master my moods I will control my destiny…” I then sat quietly and began to write out the things I was doing right and the things I perceived I was being wrongly criticized for in my appraisal. From there I wrote down the questions that were buzzing around my mind. “What am I doing wrong?…. Who thinks I’m not contributing?…Why do you think I’m not doing this or that? …”. Of course they came out all defensive and emotional but I needed to empty my mind. My mind then went to our last webinar lesson from week 22. I grabbed the MKMMA folder I carry with me that always contains the prior week’s printed slides along with my notes and began to leaf through the lesson, carefully reviewing each slide and recalling the words from the lesson. I began to assess myself and where my mindset was according to our lessons. I asked myself “How do I give gratitude for this input?” Of course at first my mind was unable to come up with any immediate answers, but the more I thought and the more I dove into the lesson the more clear and calm things became for me. I came across the slide on accepting the premise of responsibility and wrote on my paper “How do I accept the responsibility to add more value?” The slides about using the components of our comfort zone as tools were next. As I slowly digested each slide and each component I began to write out my “Action Plan”.
1. Accept responsibility and move ahead (get over the hurt feelings already Kim!). 2. What focus needs to come from this that I can convert to action (fear anyone???). 3. Chanel the anger into positive action 4. Know I am worthy and I have nothing to feel guilty about. I’m doing a good job. 5. How do I better get into service to support my boss, peers and the people who work for me? 6. Be master of my emotions. 7. Celebrate success!!!!
I then re-wrote the questions I needed to go through with my boss from the perspective of seeking information and his input as to how I could better service his needs, I scheduled the appointment with him and proceeded to have a great discussion. What I found was his input and the things he needed from me were not even close to my interpretation of the words on the pages. Go figure!!! He was pleased with my work and he was actually looking for me to step up to another level of leadership. He was having difficulty detailing what exact areas he wanted me to focus on so he asked that we work on it together in the weeks to come. Bottom line, I got my blood in a boil for nothing! How many times does that have to happen before I learn to control my emotions from the get go???
I’m so grateful I had the practice ingrained in me from this course to stop and observe myself before I ran down the wrong path and potentially damage my credibility and reputation. I’m also grateful I had the knowledge to be able to put into action the self directed and self controlled activities that resulted in a great outcome, great discussion and I’m sure a better future for all of us at work. I’m exhausted but refreshed at the same time and I’m truly grateful my weekend won’t be ruined by my old, juvenile,cement Buddha mindset! Have a great week and put the tools we are learning and practicing to good use in your life. It’s worth it!